Your Life Will Change

As you know, my wife is pregnant and we're expecting our first kid on June 20th. I'm excited. I'm willing to change things. I'm not scared. I know my wife will be a wonderful Mother, and I'll do the best I can as a Dad (that sounds weird). I do not have any issues with being a parent. I will do whatever I have to do to be a good parent, and to keep the kid alive. I will ask a lot of questions, and seek the advice of others WHEN THE BABY IS HERE! Again....I WILL ASK!!!!!

Now for the rant........

Why is it, every person that has children, takes great pleasure in telling me how BAD everything is going to be? Why does everyone HAVE to volunteer their horror stories? To prepare me for it? I'm prepared! I'm willing! If I take what everyone has said to me in the past few months.....this is what my life will be like in June.

1) I will NEVER sleep. Not even a cat nap. I will end up in the hospital due to exhaustion.
2) I will have to buy myself new clothes often, because of the excessive vomit, pee and poop coming from the child, covering me and staining all my clothes.
3) I will only eat cold food, and maybe only once a week. It appears that whenever I want a hot meal, this child will sense that, cry, poop, puke, and do whatever it takes to prevent me from eating a hot meal.........................EVER! Leaving me cleaning him up, the floor, my clothes, the dogs, and what-not, only to get back to eating dinner......cold.
4) That cold food will be the only food available to me, and only once a week as well. I was told this morning, that if I make myself a sandwich, I'll attempt to take a bite, look at the child, despite my hunger pains, and the fact that I look like I haven't eaten in a month, look at the child, and automatically hand them the sandwich so they can eat.
5) I will NEVER have any more friends. And forget about quality time with anyone other than the child. I will lose all my friends (even the ones with children already), and no one will even stop over the house for a cup of coffee to say "hi".

And my favorite one of all time: (and I'm not being sarcastic here, this was actually said to me)
6) I will have to sell all my toys. ALL OF THEM. I was asked to rank the importance of my toys. When I asked why, I was told that I will have to sell them to afford this child. First my boat. Then my motorcycle. Then my ice fishing gear. Then my regular fishing gear. Then all my fish tanks.
Pretty soon, my wife and I will be selling ALL of our worldly possessions, selling our house, and living at the no-tell motel up the road because it's only 50 bucks a week rent.

Not one of these people told me anything positive. Not one of these people told me how wonderful it is to bring a child into the world. Not one of these people told me the joy that another human being brings you. Not one of these people told me how grateful they are/were about the job they did with their kids. Only the horror. The bad stuff. I haven't heard anything about how proud they are of their children.

No wonder guys get scared to death when their wife tells them they're pregnant.
I remember distinctly the feeling I had when that little white thing said "pregnant". I felt joy. I felt happiness. I felt excitement. Then I got everyone's opinion. :)



So my friends......I guess what is going to happen in June, is that my wife will give birth to my son, life will change to the complete opposite of what it is now, and I'll be dead by July. It was nice knowing you!